New Year, a Time to Reflect.

Each New Year gives us the opportunity to start again. Most of us like fresh new starts, I know I do. Now that I think about it; my life has been nothing but a series of new beginnings, one after another, each opening a new door and closing and old one. This repeating theme has been a light at the end of the tunnel for me. When times have gotten tough, I have always been able to rely on the fact that this to shall pass. By all measure, I believe myself to be an optimist but, I have never stopped to ponder where this outlook comes from. I am a faithful man and believe that most, if not all of my understanding of this universe comes from the Divine but, I want to take a more scientific approach to comprehend what makes me see the glass half full. Like any good psych major, we must first look to the past. Let’s gaze into the midst of the distant and pull forward those instances where hard decisions were made. As any good Freudian will ask you, “Tell me about your mother.” Considering my mother was a single mom for much of my life, I guess it would be as good a place to start as any. My mother is a drug addicted, incarcerated, overly obnoxious, one way or the highway, street living, hard walking, knife carrying thug. Maybe for some of you reading this blog, I just made you a bit uncomfortable. It’s ok….this will all related back, I promise. Just stay with me. So, my mother wasn’t gong to win any “Mother of the Year” awards and I can’t say she was always a loving mother but, I do remember a time for about 2 years when life seemed so promising……where the possibilities were endless. I was 12 years old and my mother had managed to be accepted at a 6 month housing shelter called Exodus Ministries out of Dallas Texas. Exodus would re-unite our family, provide us with faith based counseling and workshops as well as provide my mom with tools to become more financially stable. Up to this point, Exodus represented the best time of my life. We graduated Exodus and moved into a transitional housing shelter called Interfaith, which was right across the street. Unlike Exodus, Interfaith was more of a “halfway” house for the family. We didn’t have mandatory classes anymore but, we did have to pay rent and utilities however, if and whenever we needed support or help, it was there. After a year had passed, it was time for us to be on our own. My mom, brother, sister and I all moved into a 1 bedroom 800 sq ft apartment just down the road from Exodus and Interfaith. It was very hard but, my mother maintained her 2 jobs and I ran the house taking care of my brother and sister. In fact, we were doing so well, Exodus and Interfaith got together and put my families name on the waiting list of a Habitat House…..the whole idea of becoming a homeowner was life changing for us and once again, our future was the brightest it had ever been. The Summer right after my 14 birthday, everything was going to change and the possibilities were going to come crashing down around me. To make a long story short, upon my return home from Summer camp, I had been completely and utterly abandoned. Apparently my mother had relapsed and violated her parole with a dirty Urine Analysis and they didn’t ever let her out of the office, the Sheriff came and picked her up instantly. At the time, my brother and sister had been spending time with their father so, everyone was taken care of….except me. Imagine if you can, a 14 year old boy, walking up to his apartment door step, knocking to get in and no one answering. That was my reality. I had been completely abandoned. So, my Sunday School teachers, who drove me home that day, saw I couldn’t get in the door and decided to take me to their home till my mother got home. It wasn’t till late that night that I learned she was back in jail and I had no where to go. I can’t imagine what was going through my Sunday School teachers heads…..they had to be completely shocked. Well, they new my history and new I once lived at Exodus and Interfaith so, they called the Executive Directors up and ultimately, a week later I found myself in a new home with a family I knew very well. In the course of about a week, my life changed from food stamps, AFDC, Medicaid, clothing closets, food pantries, free school lunch, to upscale family who could go into Neiman Marcus and buy most anything they wanted. Obviously, a lot more of this biography exist and I promise, it is riveting however, we don’t have enough time to share everything but, I don’t want to make my point so bear with me just a bit longer. You see, I thought life was set up, planned out, pre-determined. I figured the cogs in the wheel were just going to turn and my family was going to be in our Habitat home, my was going to continue with her 2 jobs, I was going to take care of my brother and sister and our life was going to be grand. I never imagined, not even in my wildest dreams that my life was going to turn out so much better. I know that may sound strange to you now and, yes….you are missing a lot of this story but, if my mom hadn’t made the fatal decision to relapse, if I had not been abandoned, if the people who loved me had not stood up to take me in, I can guarantee you, I would not have the life I have today. It took a terrible end, to give me a miraculous beginning and, this has been true through most of my life and, I would have it no other way. So, now…..when you make your 2010 resolutions, when you stand back rapt in awe at your own lives. You maybe going through hell now….things may be tough but, this too shall pass and what could be awaiting around the corner potentially could surpass anything you ever imagined. I wish you the best for 2010, make it special.

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Comments

Joe Kirby January 2, 2010 at 7:11am

Jesse, great post! I know of and can very much relate to your concept of "New Beginings". I too view the end of the year as an anticipation for a New Year, a New Experience, and an excitement of the glass being half full again. I have lived many years on this planet and I still believe that "You cannot have a knowledge of the present, without a full understanding of the past"..............it's what keeps me going day in and day out. All the Best to you as well for 2010........we know not what it will bring..............but it will be special, I guarantee that!

Regards,

KIRB in MD.

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